Day 4 in Louisville, KY.

It’s Friday, April 18th and I’m sitting in a VRBO located on Frankfort Ave. in Louisville, Kentucky. I came here to write with no attachment to what happens and that is what I am experiencing, Many insights and surprises. I’M BACK.

About a mile from here is the place where I first lived on my own, in this town, at the age of 20 years. I was kicked out of college, mostly because I didn’t want to go to classes and wanted to hang out and dance in the grill. Evidently Eastern KY State College didn’t agree with my choices. They sent me home. My Mother wanted me to go to college, so I was immediately told to leave her house. I moved, got a job and began my life away from my parents house.

This neighborhood has transformed in many ways in the last 64 years and yet it is all so familiar. The house Rob and I lived in, before we took off to go off for California in 1972 is 1/2 mile from here. Michael Gott, Rob and me were here in October 2023 for a visit and I saw the old house, all redone as a tornado came through right after we left. My mind is flooded with memories of those ancient and most recent days. 

This is my fourth day here and so far, every morning when I wake up, the first question, the first and only thought is “What am I doing here?”.

After checking my phone, seeing a text from my beloved Rob asking if was I getting up earlier, I decided to call a very old friend, even though we haven’t talked in ages. She was 15 years younger than me and we were besties.

A young man answered the phone, I asked for Betty, he asked my name and repeated it, I heard another voice saying, “Let me talk to her”. It was Betty’s husband of over 50 years. I asked to speak to her and he told me she had died from cancer in November 2023. 

I was in Louisville that October. I had emailed her, left a message on her phone that I would like to see her when I came to town. I never heard from her and as I often do, I let go and assumed she wasn’t interested in seeing me. 

I had become completely indoctrinated into the belief that people didn’t want to see me, hear me, no one was interested in me, this is the way  I grew up. My family hasn’t asked me about me and my life, what I do and have been doing for the last 50 years, so not hearing from Betty, was not as disappointing as it may have been, had I not been trained in not being seen and heard. It fascinates me that old, ancient belief systems at times freely float into my awareness and feel so welcome, even though they were never the truth of my identity. My heart fills with gratitude that I don’t have them visit as much. I certainly don’t invite them to have tea, much less sit down. I’m wondering if those two things should be reversed. 

Betty and I worked together in Louisville with a team of people who I became to know, hang out with, lots of parties (with substances included), we shared our lives and became good friends for many years. I have so many memories of her and our time together that I will include in the book I trust I am going to write from here until…

I believe there is a gift in everything. In the book Radical Forgiveness, Colin Tipping says everything that happens has a purpose or maybe is on purpose. When I read it for the first time I thought, I want to believe this. This statement would assist me in lessening my pain, console me in times of fear, doubt and God forbid worry. It has over these many years and continues to serve me. Acceptance is a powerful thing.

Yesterday I spent most of the day reading unposted blogs, random writings that I have not shared. I was blown away how much I learned from what I wrote. Everything has a purpose. One of the documents I had was a letter I had taken from an email that Betty sent me years ago and it was about writing. She too loved to write and was encouraging me. This was at least 20 years ago. The news about her prompted me to write this blog today. Thank you Betty Sullivan for your inspiration. I love you my friend. 

Invitation: I invite you to consider the possibility that there is nothing standing in the way of your divine and creative expression. God is here and all is well.